Thursday, March 20, 2014
The Lessons I Learned from Facebook.
I try not to be sad. Not because I hate feeling sad, but because I hate making everyone worry. I don't like seeing my parents worry because I don't have a "real job." Even so, sometimes I can't help it. Life isn't easy.
If it were easy, it wouldn't be worth living.
That "real job" I mentioned earlier, happened to be the job of a freelance artist. Well I try to be anyways. It's a job that's challenging because you have to force yourself to create something amazing for much less than minimum wage. It requires true motivation and focus. (Maybe that's why I'm so bad at it.)
As some of you may know, when an artist is in a rut they need to find a way to push through it. Well a few months ago I was in a rut. So my cousin gave me an amazing makeover, and we went out to Walmart to buy something for a wedding that was coming up. While we were there I saw this guy. Well me trying not to seem like a teenage girl, I held my head high and forced myself not to check him out as I walked past.
I couldn't fight my own urges, and I stared at him. There was this feeling that felt like it came right out of a horribly written romance movie. (I'm pretty certain there was even a romantic song playing in the background.) Instead of talking to him, I just left. When I was getting into the car, I felt all giddy, until I realized that I might never feel that same feeling again.
Fast forward a few months, and I have this dream. I was in a mall and there were a million kids running around. I saw him chasing after one, and we have another cheesy (yet amazing) moment. He leaves and that's that. Then a girl that he was with gives me his information. While my siblings were teasing me of this boy, my mother took the info from me. She said, "he lives in Alton, Utah. That's by St. George."
When I woke up, I felt all giddy again. Then I realized that I have never even heard of Alton, Utah. So I decided to google it. There was an Alton, Utah down by St. George. This strangely happy feeling washed over me, and I decided to do some more digging. I decided to use the one tool modern society uses to find people: Facebook.
Well I searched for Alton, Utah and got very few results. Down at the bottom it had people I might know in Alton Utah. Sadly, all of them were elders. Then I got the "brilliant" idea of going through their photos thinking one of them might be his grandparents. When that failed through, I decided to try looking through their friends list.
While that grew into searching through even more photos and friends lists of people I don't know, (and me feeling like a creepy facebook stalker.) I did gain one thing from this experience. I learned how truly wonderful so many people can be.
I knew absolutely none of these people, but it was truly amazing seeing these happy faces, and knowing that even though we're all the same we can be completely different. It was amazing seeing how some of them were so happy with their grandparents, or seeing how these grandparents just absolutely adoring their grandchildren. How a woman truly loved her husband through all these crazy adventures they had, and seeing these loving families, and how the teenagers would go on these crazy adventures, and just knowing that one day those will be precious memories to share with their families and friends. They were all truly beautiful.
So even though I had to become an unintentional Facebook stalker, I got to see something that would make one believe in hope, love, and happiness. It was something that made one truly believe that there is still hope for this world. That there is still hope for us.
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Unsure
Mood: Unsure
Eating: Cookies. <3
Drinking: V8 fusion
Watching: George Lopez
Today I broke up with my boyfriend. He may have been the best one I've had ever.... but it just wasn't right. Anyways, I really just want him to be okay. I bet he isn't as heartbroken as I'd expect though. That or he just handled it very well.
I also just feel sort of... lost with life right now. I mean I know what I have to do, but I guess it just feels like there's something missing. I'm not sure what though. Anyways, this was kind of pointless. :)
Eating: Cookies. <3
Drinking: V8 fusion
Watching: George Lopez
Today I broke up with my boyfriend. He may have been the best one I've had ever.... but it just wasn't right. Anyways, I really just want him to be okay. I bet he isn't as heartbroken as I'd expect though. That or he just handled it very well.
I also just feel sort of... lost with life right now. I mean I know what I have to do, but I guess it just feels like there's something missing. I'm not sure what though. Anyways, this was kind of pointless. :)
Saturday, June 8, 2013
Why I Was (Almost) a High School Dropout
Note 1: All names have been changed for the protection and other junk of the people mentioned in this short biography.
Note 2: I'm trying to keep this short, so most of what happened is not written down or very far in depth.
To get things started, you have to know some things about me: I hate systems that don't work, I've had a crush that's been in my head non stop for awhile, and I have issues with jocks and cheerleader types that bullied me when I was little.
Now that that is out of the way, let us begin.
The story begins in ninth grade, freshman year. I ditched school a lot. That's about it. Next was tenth grade. Same thing, a lot of ditching. Although I did meet a girl that we shall call Shelly. Shelly had strange mental issues, had a crush on the guy I did, and we were friends for the first year of high school. That was also the year I met some close friends who are important to me, but not to my story. The only thing that needs to be said about them is that they are wonderful people, and I wish them the best of luck through life.
Eleventh grade was when things started going down hill. I still ditched, but not as much as the last two years. This year I had a lovely class called Chemistry. By lovely I mean it was the crappiest, hardest class known to man (We can't forget boring). Here I met a boy that shall be called Rick. This kid was Shelly's best friend. That is until she got a boyfriend and left Rick behind. Now Rick wasn't heart broken or anything (because he was gay), he just felt betrayed. Before I knew any of this I had befriended him. He helped me with chemistry, I helped him get new friends.
Speaking of friends, mine had befriended a girl now nicknamed Sheila. Sheila and Nia hated each other soon after meeting. Nia had tried to be friends, but Sheila wouldn't give her a chance. So there was a lot of conflict because of those two and a boy now called Ian. Ian was a pervert, and some of the jokes he would say had gone too far. They made most people uncomfortable, and to be honest, they were very tactless. Thanks to the drama going on there, I had not gone to school as often, and failed some classes. Again.
Now for the worst year of all: Senior year. This was supposed to be the best year of our student lives. Instead it broke everything. I'm not sure why, but the second day of school would always be the day I knew exactly what was going to happen that school year. On the second day I said we were going to leave high school with no friends, and I cried basically all day. I also saw a girl that I had a feeling my friends shouldn't have invited to hang out with us.
To keep it short, this girl caused my friend to feel suicidal, her best friend to feel suicidal, pissed off almost everyone that talked to her, and was a bunch of things I will not say. Next there was a girl that Drew had gotten a crush on. To keep that short, two guys had a crush on Drew and were fighting for his attention, while the chick just wanted Drew to leave her alone because of reasons I didn't care about. That happened along with me failing classes yet again for first semester.
Second semester started off great. Nothing dramatic happened. Then I had some inner turmoil. All year there had been a boy that bullied me when I was little, and I was on the verge of hating him. Hatred is a feeling I do not care for, because it's such a waste of time and it makes you feel gross. So I told him I don't like him, and I want to like him. This some how turned into me trying to understand him. I ended up observing him a lot in our seminary class. Somewhere along the way I realized that I did like him. Then I began to wonder, when does disgust become interest? When does love become hate?
Thinking about this, I realized how many of my friends I didn't like anymore. Unfortunately the one that I was closest to was one of them. She would always ditch me for Sheila. Now that didn't make me dislike her, but it was the beginning. All of the stupid things she did, and all of the issues that weren't really issues... I couldn't handle being near her anymore. It didn't help when she had become friends with Tiffany. Tiffany was very into dangerous and dark stuff, and she was a jerk on top of it all. Being around her made my friend everything I thought to be disgusting and revolting. I no longer feel like we are friends.
Feeling alone without my best friend, I didn't know what to do. So I finally sat down worked on graduating. I did packets, test, extra credit, and just worked hard to get caught up. After about three weeks of this, I decided to actually become a part of my friend's lives again. Of course I came back at the worst possible time.
Rick and Harry had started out as close friends, just for it to blow up in their faces for unknown reasons to everyone. Now Rick had threatened to do horrible things to Harry and his family (honestly, I'm shocked he isn't arrested for his threats). No one saw Rick for about a week. When he finally came back, he decided not to be friends with anyone anymore. This caused Sarah (my now ex best friend) to cry for a long time. Even though I really didn't want to, I went and comforted her. Then when I tried to talk to him, he basically treated me like I wasn't human. He treated me like I was a monster. So I decided to blow it off and hang out with Harry and Mariah. Then some time later, Rick got close to Sarah again.
I don't care that they got close again. I just hate that they still think they can be welcomed in my life for the things they did. It wasn't even my life that they wanted to be welcomed into though. It was Mariah's. If I was hanging out with her, they would want to come over and be with her. Luckily Harry was there, and Rick hating him wouldn't come over. Mariah has grown to be scared of Rick because of his lies and his threats. So I think they may stop hanging out sometime soon.
Anyways back to the main story. Before all of the Rick and Harry drama, I had grown a new crush. Josh was an interesting boy. I guess he was more normal than interesting. I don't know if I learned to like him because he was normal and I craved that, or if it was because I really saw something in him. I tried my best to talk to him, and get to know him, but he did something to me that a boy hasn't done in a long time. He made me nervous. He would make my heart skip a beat, and make it so I couldn't think. So many things I hadn't felt since I was thirteen... and I adored every second of it. So at the senior all night party, I tried harder than anything to tell him how much I liked him, but instead, I chickened out. Now we're graduated, and I don't think I'll ever get to see him again. If he ever ends up reading this, I hope he'll know I'm talking about him.
To finish this, the reason I almost dropped out was because I somehow ended up in the middle all the drama. It got me so depressed that I just wanted to stay home, but I didn't. I didn't give up on myself or my dreams. I'm going to keep trying to fall in love, be happy, and to always progress with my educated life. So to you world, I hope you stay strong through all the crap that others seem to throw at you.
Good luck.
Note 2: I'm trying to keep this short, so most of what happened is not written down or very far in depth.
To get things started, you have to know some things about me: I hate systems that don't work, I've had a crush that's been in my head non stop for awhile, and I have issues with jocks and cheerleader types that bullied me when I was little.
Now that that is out of the way, let us begin.
The story begins in ninth grade, freshman year. I ditched school a lot. That's about it. Next was tenth grade. Same thing, a lot of ditching. Although I did meet a girl that we shall call Shelly. Shelly had strange mental issues, had a crush on the guy I did, and we were friends for the first year of high school. That was also the year I met some close friends who are important to me, but not to my story. The only thing that needs to be said about them is that they are wonderful people, and I wish them the best of luck through life.
Eleventh grade was when things started going down hill. I still ditched, but not as much as the last two years. This year I had a lovely class called Chemistry. By lovely I mean it was the crappiest, hardest class known to man (We can't forget boring). Here I met a boy that shall be called Rick. This kid was Shelly's best friend. That is until she got a boyfriend and left Rick behind. Now Rick wasn't heart broken or anything (because he was gay), he just felt betrayed. Before I knew any of this I had befriended him. He helped me with chemistry, I helped him get new friends.
Speaking of friends, mine had befriended a girl now nicknamed Sheila. Sheila and Nia hated each other soon after meeting. Nia had tried to be friends, but Sheila wouldn't give her a chance. So there was a lot of conflict because of those two and a boy now called Ian. Ian was a pervert, and some of the jokes he would say had gone too far. They made most people uncomfortable, and to be honest, they were very tactless. Thanks to the drama going on there, I had not gone to school as often, and failed some classes. Again.
Now for the worst year of all: Senior year. This was supposed to be the best year of our student lives. Instead it broke everything. I'm not sure why, but the second day of school would always be the day I knew exactly what was going to happen that school year. On the second day I said we were going to leave high school with no friends, and I cried basically all day. I also saw a girl that I had a feeling my friends shouldn't have invited to hang out with us.
To keep it short, this girl caused my friend to feel suicidal, her best friend to feel suicidal, pissed off almost everyone that talked to her, and was a bunch of things I will not say. Next there was a girl that Drew had gotten a crush on. To keep that short, two guys had a crush on Drew and were fighting for his attention, while the chick just wanted Drew to leave her alone because of reasons I didn't care about. That happened along with me failing classes yet again for first semester.
Second semester started off great. Nothing dramatic happened. Then I had some inner turmoil. All year there had been a boy that bullied me when I was little, and I was on the verge of hating him. Hatred is a feeling I do not care for, because it's such a waste of time and it makes you feel gross. So I told him I don't like him, and I want to like him. This some how turned into me trying to understand him. I ended up observing him a lot in our seminary class. Somewhere along the way I realized that I did like him. Then I began to wonder, when does disgust become interest? When does love become hate?
Thinking about this, I realized how many of my friends I didn't like anymore. Unfortunately the one that I was closest to was one of them. She would always ditch me for Sheila. Now that didn't make me dislike her, but it was the beginning. All of the stupid things she did, and all of the issues that weren't really issues... I couldn't handle being near her anymore. It didn't help when she had become friends with Tiffany. Tiffany was very into dangerous and dark stuff, and she was a jerk on top of it all. Being around her made my friend everything I thought to be disgusting and revolting. I no longer feel like we are friends.
Feeling alone without my best friend, I didn't know what to do. So I finally sat down worked on graduating. I did packets, test, extra credit, and just worked hard to get caught up. After about three weeks of this, I decided to actually become a part of my friend's lives again. Of course I came back at the worst possible time.
Rick and Harry had started out as close friends, just for it to blow up in their faces for unknown reasons to everyone. Now Rick had threatened to do horrible things to Harry and his family (honestly, I'm shocked he isn't arrested for his threats). No one saw Rick for about a week. When he finally came back, he decided not to be friends with anyone anymore. This caused Sarah (my now ex best friend) to cry for a long time. Even though I really didn't want to, I went and comforted her. Then when I tried to talk to him, he basically treated me like I wasn't human. He treated me like I was a monster. So I decided to blow it off and hang out with Harry and Mariah. Then some time later, Rick got close to Sarah again.
I don't care that they got close again. I just hate that they still think they can be welcomed in my life for the things they did. It wasn't even my life that they wanted to be welcomed into though. It was Mariah's. If I was hanging out with her, they would want to come over and be with her. Luckily Harry was there, and Rick hating him wouldn't come over. Mariah has grown to be scared of Rick because of his lies and his threats. So I think they may stop hanging out sometime soon.
Anyways back to the main story. Before all of the Rick and Harry drama, I had grown a new crush. Josh was an interesting boy. I guess he was more normal than interesting. I don't know if I learned to like him because he was normal and I craved that, or if it was because I really saw something in him. I tried my best to talk to him, and get to know him, but he did something to me that a boy hasn't done in a long time. He made me nervous. He would make my heart skip a beat, and make it so I couldn't think. So many things I hadn't felt since I was thirteen... and I adored every second of it. So at the senior all night party, I tried harder than anything to tell him how much I liked him, but instead, I chickened out. Now we're graduated, and I don't think I'll ever get to see him again. If he ever ends up reading this, I hope he'll know I'm talking about him.
To finish this, the reason I almost dropped out was because I somehow ended up in the middle all the drama. It got me so depressed that I just wanted to stay home, but I didn't. I didn't give up on myself or my dreams. I'm going to keep trying to fall in love, be happy, and to always progress with my educated life. So to you world, I hope you stay strong through all the crap that others seem to throw at you.
Good luck.
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Hello
Mood: Zoinks!! :D
Eating: My stomach!! O.O
Drinking: Your life force!
Watching: The letters pan across my screen as I type
Anyways, this is just a post to say that I shall be posting again. On Friday or Saturday I'm going to spout my life story on here. So be warned you one reader! (if I even have a single reader...)
So for now... Enjoy the sound of that creepy guy behind you reading this. It's probably just your dad making sure you're not looking at any porn or something. :)
Eating: My stomach!! O.O
Drinking: Your life force!
Watching: The letters pan across my screen as I type
Anyways, this is just a post to say that I shall be posting again. On Friday or Saturday I'm going to spout my life story on here. So be warned you one reader! (if I even have a single reader...)
So for now... Enjoy the sound of that creepy guy behind you reading this. It's probably just your dad making sure you're not looking at any porn or something. :)
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Art I Need to Study
Comic Artists/Series
Svetlana Chmakova
Masashi Kishimoto
Toboso Yana
Kouchi Kaede
Sakai Mayu
Watanabe Ayu
Wamusato Haru
Kim, Kwan Hyung
Takaya Natsuki
Ahn Sung Ho
Love Com
Akuma to Love Song
Fall in love Like a Comic
Marvel
DC
Furry Artist/Series
Tofu93
suan-cat
ashleyzombie
Cinacune
Dipper
Shadowill
misaki
katibara
falvie
caninelove
zetallis
caramel-kitteh
kanel
slugbox
ryunwoofie
mikuhoshi
mastergodai
pudding0728
Damnevildog
loliswitch
StrawberryNeko
Anime artists/Styles
B0rn-t0-die
Bleedman
StrawberryNeko
Yamio
Yuna Kagasaki
Chibi Vampire
Naruto
Beck
Bleach
Princess tutu
Princess Princess
Yu Yu Hakusho
Sailor Moon
Jack R Rabbit
Signhereplease
SrinityBeast
Extvia
Rozen Maiden
Exiled Queen
Love Com
H2O Footprints in the Sand
Lucky Star
Black Cat
Cartoon Styles
Happily Ever Ever Fairytales for Every Child
Meet the Robinsons
Disney Disney DISNEY!!! (gosh darn disney...)
Dreamworks. <3 (cooler than disney.)
Pound Puppies
MLP
Littlest Pet Shop
Spongebob
Fairly Odd Parents/Danny Phantom/Jimmy Neutron/Tuff Puppy
Back in the Barnyard
Road to El Dorado/Sinbad Legend of the Seven Seas
Adventure Time
Regular Show
Sonic Style
Rugrats/All Grown Up
Pepper Anne
Weekenders
As Told by Ginger
Rocket Power
Avatar the Last Airbender/Legend of Korra
Fish Hooks
Kickbuttowski
Tom and jerry
Scooby doo old and new
loony toons old and new
Ed Edd and Eddy
Powerpuff Girls/Dexter's Laboratory
Johnny Test (the twins)
Grojband
Randy Cunningham 9th Grade Ninja
The Simpsons
Strawberry Shortcake
Animaniacs
Ruby Gloom
Kung Fu Panda
Invader Zim
Slug Terra
Max Steel
Annoying Orange
Turbo
Video game Art
Okami
Soul calibur Series
Tekken
Dead or Alive
Skies of Arcadia
Lost Oddyssey
Viewtiful Joe
Skyrim
Fable Series
Donkey Kong
Mario
Mirrors Edge
Mass Effect series
Halo series
Kirby
Pacman
Sims
Magical Starsign
Sonic series
Fantasy Artists:
J Neon Pendragon
Fashion Styles:
Lolita
Goth
Punk
Emo
Svetlana Chmakova
Masashi Kishimoto
Toboso Yana
Kouchi Kaede
Sakai Mayu
Watanabe Ayu
Wamusato Haru
Kim, Kwan Hyung
Takaya Natsuki
Ahn Sung Ho
Love Com
Akuma to Love Song
Fall in love Like a Comic
Marvel
DC
Furry Artist/Series
Tofu93
suan-cat
ashleyzombie
Cinacune
Dipper
Shadowill
misaki
katibara
falvie
caninelove
zetallis
caramel-kitteh
kanel
slugbox
ryunwoofie
mikuhoshi
mastergodai
pudding0728
Damnevildog
loliswitch
StrawberryNeko
Anime artists/Styles
B0rn-t0-die
Bleedman
StrawberryNeko
Yamio
Yuna Kagasaki
Chibi Vampire
Naruto
Beck
Bleach
Princess tutu
Princess Princess
Yu Yu Hakusho
Sailor Moon
Jack R Rabbit
Signhereplease
SrinityBeast
Extvia
Rozen Maiden
Exiled Queen
Love Com
H2O Footprints in the Sand
Lucky Star
Black Cat
Cartoon Styles
Happily Ever Ever Fairytales for Every Child
Meet the Robinsons
Disney Disney DISNEY!!! (gosh darn disney...)
Dreamworks. <3 (cooler than disney.)
Pound Puppies
MLP
Littlest Pet Shop
Spongebob
Fairly Odd Parents/Danny Phantom/Jimmy Neutron/Tuff Puppy
Back in the Barnyard
Road to El Dorado/Sinbad Legend of the Seven Seas
Adventure Time
Regular Show
Sonic Style
Rugrats/All Grown Up
Pepper Anne
Weekenders
As Told by Ginger
Rocket Power
Avatar the Last Airbender/Legend of Korra
Fish Hooks
Kickbuttowski
Tom and jerry
Scooby doo old and new
loony toons old and new
Ed Edd and Eddy
Powerpuff Girls/Dexter's Laboratory
Johnny Test (the twins)
Grojband
Randy Cunningham 9th Grade Ninja
The Simpsons
Strawberry Shortcake
Animaniacs
Ruby Gloom
Kung Fu Panda
Invader Zim
Slug Terra
Max Steel
Annoying Orange
Turbo
Video game Art
Okami
Soul calibur Series
Tekken
Dead or Alive
Skies of Arcadia
Lost Oddyssey
Viewtiful Joe
Skyrim
Fable Series
Donkey Kong
Mario
Mirrors Edge
Mass Effect series
Halo series
Kirby
Pacman
Sims
Magical Starsign
Sonic series
Fantasy Artists:
J Neon Pendragon
Fashion Styles:
Lolita
Goth
Punk
Emo
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Steampunk Stuffs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4gK2DhCInC8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zklnhGZcAQM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zklnhGZcAQM
Saturday, January 19, 2013
My Normal Girl Problems
To start this off, I have three blogs now. One because I had to make a gmail account to get a youtube account, and another gmail account for a school assignment. So that will be fun.
Next off, I'm fat.... Or phat. Both are true. Yet I have self-confidence in my personality and such. Just not in the looks department. XD
Later ON!! I hate being single. Just a girl thing.
Finally, I think I'm going nowhere in life. I might not graduate, I might be alone forever, I'm scared of being homeless. That's my life. Keep me in your prayers ya'll!! :D
Next off, I'm fat.... Or phat. Both are true. Yet I have self-confidence in my personality and such. Just not in the looks department. XD
Later ON!! I hate being single. Just a girl thing.
Finally, I think I'm going nowhere in life. I might not graduate, I might be alone forever, I'm scared of being homeless. That's my life. Keep me in your prayers ya'll!! :D
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